A common and often ignored libido killer is stress and tension, both within the relationship and coming from outside. Stress is a real mood killer; it makes it very hard to get aroused and stay that way and it’s easier to get sick which also kills the mood. In order to get back in the sexual game, it’s very important to resolve or at least bring anything out in the open that is bothering you.
Tension Within the Relationship
Stress within a relationship is generally a mood buster (unless you’re really into angry sex). Stress can come from a variety of sources, including financial problems, fights over family matters, drifting apart, a new move, new jobs, being fired… you know, life! It is very important to talk things out with your partner when you are feeling stressed out. He or she may not be able to find the answers, but talking it out is sometimes all that is needed to get a clear perspective on things. After that, getting aroused is sometimes just a matter of seeing that by talking things out, the bond has grown stronger.
More serious tensions in a relationship could come about as a result of a new baby, a death in the family and infidelity. Again, all of these things have to be brought out into the open (usually with the help of a good counsellor) before the partners can move on in their lives together or apart as the case may be. The more serious the tension, the more damage it will cause to libido and the more important it is to hash things out.
Tension Outside of the Relationship
Mostly, tension from outside the relationship will come simply as a part of being alive. A new baby, new job, new home, bad day at work, broken friendship, a death, trouble in town; tension and stress is simply a part of life. Managing your emotions in a way that is constructive can be difficult, but important; not only for your libido, but also for your health in general. Many tensions stemming from outside can be managed with the help of your partner, friends and a counsellor if necessary so that you can get through them and come out the other side ready to enjoy life again.
Some tension comes from emotional states of being. Depression, anger, grief and feeling isolated are all emotions that are most likely to kill your libido. These are natural enough emotions to feel and that means that you can find the roots of the problem and deal with it. Keep in mind that many medications also kill libido, so finding a balancing act is important.
Although we tend to treat stress as a given in our hectic days, the impact of it can be felt throughout our life. When it comes to sex and libido and arousal, stress can be absolute moodkillers and this creates even more stress in the relationship and in your life, feeding into itself. Break free of the cycle by talking out what’s bothering you and getting help as necessary. It may be hard, but it will be worth it when you see an increase in your overall quality of life, including your sex life.